This was supposed to be a January Recap for me but I guess it doesn't hurt for me to just spare some context of my 2018 and why it was hell isn't it? 😁
Honestly, I don't even remember from when exactly I started to feel so shitty everyday. If my brain is processing correctly...should be when my second year of degree started around September. I don't know exactly the cause of the problem, but I could say that I was the problem, the cause of myself feeling so shitty, terrible and negative 24 hours everyday until December. Do you know what is worse? I am not only harming myself mentally, my negative aura spread was so strong that even my friends (yes more than one person) felt it. They even stayed away and avoided me because of it (I would say they did the right thing because if not, arguments and fight would probably had happened).
I had no self-control of anything. I broke down too many times. I was unstable mentally. I was constantly in a really bad mood. I was not taking care of myself physically and mentally.
And then...
...an incident happened, and I was slapped back to reality. I don't know how and why but that one incident suddenly woke me up. It was like I had a bad dream and I woke up from it, finally being able to see SEE the situation and mess I was in.
Oh boy, I was damn glad that happened because I am a lot happier now than I was in 2018.
Which brings me to the proper January Recap lmao.
Like I mentioned just now, I realized how much of a bad situation I was in and decided to be better(?)...like learn to prioritize things and set things out properly so I would enjoy whatever I was doing and make sure that I am always happy. That's the most important thing. My happiness. 💓
Funny how that started in January 2019 so it's like some sort of 'New Year New Me' kinda thingy. In January, my semester was still on going and it was at it's peak where deadlines are after deadlines and submissions after submissions. It was just hectic. With a new mindset, I thought I could handle everything and it'll all be fine...which it was...for a few days probably? Then I fell sick. Like real sick. Like sick until my whole body was boiling, my temperature was 40 degree celsius, I couldn't even eat because I would just puke everything back out. During that time, I had a presentation on one of my subjects. Thankfully, the lecturer was alright with my friend helping me present because I was so sick to the point I couldn't even speak much and I was weak. With that, I was the editor for my group's broadcasting team and there wasn't even progress because I couldn't even do my job as an editor. I felt so bad. I still tried to stay assss positive assssss I can (idk whether it was successful or not...probably not....). After that, I thought I got better but on one of the submission day (that i stayed up all night to finish on because I DIDNT START ON IT YET LOL) and that day my throat starting hurting so bad and I had no voice at all. Yes...apparently I fell back sick... Also, my laptop was also part of my stress because IT KEEPS HANGING.
LONG STORY SHORT, EVERYTHING ENDED WELL. I submitted my assignments on time (thankfully) and the semester ended without any other problem.
LESSON LEARNT:
- focus on myself first
- learn to prioritize
- DO NOT PROCRASTINATE
- pay attention in class (definitely will help when you procrastinate lol)
- be more aware of your surroundings and the people around you
~ There will be better days to come, you just have to believe that. There will be only shitty and terrible days if you choose to have those days. Take everything negative and try to look on it in a different perspective. Things will change. I promise! ~
If you have read until here, omg thank you so much for being interested in my life story and the terrible choices hahahahaha.
I am so sorry if this post is like everywhere. I promise to be better hahaha (finger crossed).
Thank you!
Ka Mun signing out~
